Pause. Rewind. What did I say backstage? Where is my heart? What is the most important day of my life? I realized right there folding toddler p.j.s that I had the wrong audience in mind. Sure, I would love to show the world how amazing a Christian's voice can be and how I would use my influence for the Lord's work and all that, but who am I trying to please? They would eat me alive if I tried to satisfy them. Next thing you know they are showing a clip of me crying and walking away from the camera, rejected just like the other ninety percent.
God stepped into my mini-fantasy and lifted my chin to squint at His throne. The light was almost blinding and His presence overwhelming. But the joy flooded in and I started smiling immediately. In my heart I began to sing for my King. Where was the fear of rejection? Where were the ignorant and unpleasant faces ready to present me with their verdict? So far away and lost in the goodness and acceptance of my Lord. But there was a new feeling, too. I was starstruck and felt a little silly. Here I am singing for God! My voice is so inadequate but I love it. It is something He made and He also delights in it. As the song led my voice into loud and soulful bursts of worship, I felt my heart lighten and my fears dissolve. Why hadn't I truly been singing for Him this whole time? Perhaps it was because my heart truly longed for someone else's audience and approval. Now that I know I can please God with my voice, maybe I will offer Him a concert more often. Maybe it will ALWAYS be unto Him.