11/21/2011

These Things Take Time

"Beware of posing as a profound person; God became a Baby." Oswald Chambers

I was getting so frustrated because of all the things I felt were oppressing me today. All I wanted to do was to have some time to concentrate and when the kids finally went down for their nap, all I could do was lay on the couch and think of nothing. The traffic jam in my head was all the ambitions I have crowding each other for the right of way. The ones that managed to muscle their way through had everything to do with Thanksgiving dinner and bible study tomorrow. The urgent always pushes the hardest and honks the loudest. It is my pleasure to be blessed with Thanksgiving duties and bible study worship duties. I don't resent them at all, just like I don't resent my beautiful children that eat most of my time like little caterpillars munching a leaf. Some day they will hide in a cocoon and fly away as butterflies all but forgetting the time when they were dependent on me. So, no, I don't resent any of the wonderful blessings that take away my time. But I was frustrated nonetheless.

It's not the overflowing blessings that I have a problem with, it's managing them. Sometimes I wish my brain was more man-like with little compartments to put every area of my life. Units of time allotted for this important task and that one. And when I decide to open a compartment to access one thing I forget about all the rest and devote my time to the task at hand. As it is, I am so distracted that just the thought of completing a task with a short hour and a half of nap time is almost a joke. Maybe it's my obsession with closure or completion that keeps me from beginning anything I may not have time to finish.


The LORD reminds me of what's important. That this moment is not forever. He has things in the works that I know nothing about. The parts of my muddled brain He is scraping away at are at different points in the process. I may get an inkling of what His future plan is for my mind and try to rush into the desired behavior before He has made me ready. Hmmm, didn't I write a song about this once? Yes, I did. It's the one about being in God's hospital, going through intense surgery and having to wait on His healing before I could get up and move mountains. So maybe I'm not as far along as I feel sometimes. The tension in my back and neck seem to tell me that I have trouble resting in His peace.


God became a baby and learned to walk, talk, and use a human mind to do the Father's will. Complete trust accompanies supernatural peace, that of a child resting in the secure arms of her Father. How many times has Elianna told me, "I can do it myself!" when she can't? I have to just back off and watch her try until she is humbled by defeat and asks for help. That's the story of my life, child. Someday we will both learn that our Heavenly Father knows best. When we seek Him first it will all fall into place without traffic jams or frustrations. In this life I will have trouble and I will take heart knowing that Jesus overcame them already. Lord, thank You for Your Spirit who helps me remember all You teach me. Amen.

Vision Forum Entry

Well, at least I enter this one! I would love to get my daughter a set of books that the company sells. Elsie Dinsmore and it's $140! So, here goes it! Love this company: for Christian Books go to www.visionforum.com!


11/03/2011

He Redeems the Moments

It only takes a moment to change a lifetime. It almost sounds like an overly dramatic cliche, but I am trying to grasp the impact of the statement. It's in the small moments that I have found myself losing my temper lately. My three-year-old girl will be four in February and my one-year-old son will be two next month. They are both approaching a transition and I am lagging behind in my parenting methods. This creates frustration for all. Suddenly my daughter is desperate for one-on-one attention of any kind and my son is gaining more power over his environment every day. I have a preschooler ruling my moods and a toddler ruling my home! How did this happen?!

It's not important how this happened. What am I going to do about it now? I have found myself stealing moments away from God. They are the seconds before I lose my cool and burst forth in anger at one or both of my kids. Sometimes even fractions of a second when I ignite a fire within my chest with certain selfish thoughts. Phrases like, "How much of this screaming can I take?" or "I just can't handle this anymore!" or "STOP!" come rushing at me with the force of a freight train and I am powerless beneath them. All because I am looking to my own strength to overcome them.

I've started planning what I can do to prevent outbursts of anger. I injured my lower back a month ago and any form of living room workouts just aggravate it. The only prescribed exercise for lower back pain is walking, bicycling, elliptical, or water aerobics. Winter is happening this week and should last for the next several months. I don't own any of those machines or a pool. The only thing I've even considered is the gym. But I digress.

I believe the LORD wants me to be dependent on Him, not some exercise plan. Yes, exercise is a necessity for stress relief and I plan to look for His hand helping me do it. But I shouldn't look to any thing as a means of peace during moments of freight train anxiety. Truth be told, when I exercised regularly I was known to lose my cool then too, albeit less often. This back pain has been a blessing in disguise to show me where my dependence should lie.
So the next time my little girl stands one foot away from me whining, "I want my mommeeee!" over and over and my son find another book to shred, I can reach out to God's open hand and walk into His peace and wisdom. The train may come but I am not going to lay myself on the tracks and give up. I will walk toward the light and sense that terrible force of anger rumble on behind me and off into the distance. Soon I know that my bursts of anger will be like a distant train whistle and a memory of where I was without God's peace. He will soon redeem those moments and restore my children's confidence in their Mama.
"Come unto Me." When you hear those words you will know that something must happen in you before you can come. The Holy Spirit will show you what you have to do, anything at all that will put the axe at the root of the thing which is preventing you from getting through. You will never get further until you are willing to do that one thing. The Holy Spirit will locate the one impregnable thing in you, but He cannot budge it unless you are willing to let Him." Oswald Chambers

A lot of my friends have been saying lately that they can't seem to hear God. The above is a portion of an entry in "My Utmost for his Highest". It appears to be exactly what our problem is. Our unwillingness to obey God is what keeps us from hearing Him, coming to Him, and being blessed by Him. Once we even show the slightest inkling of surrender God is quick to reward that with instant peace and joy. Beyond that He fills our cup to overflowing!

God will not have robots as His children. There are no puppet people doing the bidding of God under complete compulsion outside of their wills. That's what the animals are for. Those creatures that aren't made in God's image, but are a beautiful creation of Him to do as their instinct dictates. A dog cannot be a bird, nor does it long to fly. If that were the case we would have animals with identity crises all over the world!

God wants us to be free for the sake of freedom. (Galatians 5:1) He doesn't want us to make bad choices or be outside of His will, but the possibility of evil goes along with the power to choose. My greatest challenge comes in trusting God under circumstances that seem impossible. For control freaks like myself it has taken a miracle and many years to let go.