The rebellious nature in me is starting to bubble to the surface again. Each bit of impurity that reveals itself is another opportunity for the LORD to remove it. It's gotten so that I am almost glad when something else pops up because I know God is doing work and is faithful to complete it. This particular rebellion has been paralyzing me with it's stubbornness and it's refusal to surrender. I'm sad to say that it's a trust issue. I really thought I trusted God with nearly everything and yet right here is a place where I haven't. It's such a fundamental place, too. It is my personal freedom of choice and the way I use it.
I named this blog Faith Out of Freedom because I know I've chosen faith freely. I believe in free will and our ability to chose God or not. Jesus, when He spoke to the disciples in John chapter 15 said, "You didn't choose me, I chose you..." so some may argue that we don't have a choice when God calls us. But if you read the context you also find Jesus commanding them to love one another. Commands are orders to be followed. Jesus didn't say, "I will make you love one another." Correct me if I'm wrong but the only time God ever causes people to do things it's a direct result of choices they've already made that require intercession from Him for their own good and for the fulfilling of His plan. If God wanted to control us He would have made us like the animals without a free choice to try and be something we're not (for example, have you ever seen your dog try to do anything that wasn't in it's nature to do? Like flap its legs and try to fly?). Part of our glory as humans is in our choices to believe, trust, and act in faith. Jesus couldn't do certain miracles because of peoples' refusal to believe. That was their choice.
I am a strong believer in the sanctity of unborn life. People have used their freedom of choice to do some horrendous things but nothing disgusts me like a woman taking the life of a helpless human being that is dependent on her for their existence. But I judge no one because I, too, am a disgusting sinner capable of murder. I've used my freedom of choice to hurt and belittle and dishonor and rebel. I've hated and envied and wished harm on people. I'm just as much a murderer as anyone else. Sin was my choice, too.
Sin calls out to us day and night and pulls at us from every direction. Lately there are some areas where I've unknowingly been serving my sin and telling God, "No." He's been asking me to do some things and I've been ignoring Him. "No, Lord. Just give me the stuff I'm used to. Also, I'd prefer to continue appeasing this selfish desire in me. Sin is being more forceful about what it wants from me. You're so nice, Lord soYou can wait." Oh God of mercy and compassion! Forgive me! He then shows me what that mini god, that idol, is asking of me. He shows me the clock ticking hours away and my kids' being pushed aside as I serve it, my selfish desire. That mini god requires more every day. It takes more time, more attention, and more maintenance and still it's not satisfied. It won't be until it has all of me.
Who will rescue me from this loud and obnoxious master in disguise? All I have to do is say, "Yes" to the other, loving Master who not only enjoys what I bring to Him, but satisfies me in the longings of my soul. God forgives bad choices and forgets them. He made a way for us and we must choose to walk in it. So many masters clamor to be followed. In Jesus Christ I have been freed from the requirement to serve anything but God. It's my freedom of choice. In my service of Him, He strengthens me for the choices He wants me to make for my own good and His ultimate glory. The burdens He places on me are a delight to carry and He provides the tools and guidance with which to carry them well. We eat together, laugh together, and fellowship together as friends. So His requests aren't pushy and He's not going to manipulate me or force me into serving Him. He merely presents me with one choice every day. "Choose this day, whom you will serve."