8/31/2013

Mom and Grams

I've had Mom and Grams here for the past few days but they fly home tomorrow. I am so sad to see them go. This is a tough time to be without my women, the ones I was born of. Just having them in my life for the past few days has been a reminder of all the things I miss about them. Now I have to miss them all over again. But I'm so thankful and blessed that they came for a visit. It's good to be seen and known by them and it's good to see and know all the wonderful things about them that are truly unique. Some of the highlights were hugging my mom, processing my life with her and hearing her encouragement and guidance for both me and the kids. Also I loved Grams stubborn insistence on helping as much as she could despite being ninety-one and deserving constant pampering. My favorite moments were watching my mom play tag with my two little speed racers around the house and hearing about my Grandma's days in Kansas as a child during the Depression. I could live in my Grandma's childhood and the memories she shares with me. Life was so much simpler then and I'm so privileged to hear about it. This crazy postmodern zoo could learn a lot from the 1920s and 30s. I long to keep my Grandma's simplicity and love of life alive in my own.

The two of them cherished every hug from the kids like they were gold nuggets chiseled from the streets of Heaven. They hung on all the rambling kid words and admired many sweet moments between brother and sister as I glowed with a mother's pride. I hope the memories of this visit get lodged deep within the hearts of my children like they are in mine so that even time cannot disintegrate them.

During their time here it was hard to settle in knowing that they were leaving in only a few short days. They sort of still felt distant even though they were right here. Soon I'll go back to being without their physical presence in my life and that of my little family. But I'm going to be strong in the Lord and the power of His might. I'll hold my love for them as a favored blessing from God, locked away in my treasure box in Heaven. We'll talk on the phone and remind each other of the love that's always there, distant or not. I'll cry about them leaving and blame it on pregnancy hormones so they won't feel guilty and be tempted to move closer and uproot their lives. Not that I would object.

They can never really know how much I love them, not unless God gives them a special revelation. It's His love that makes my own possible. If He hadn't given me eyes to see who they truly are then I wouldn't be able to love them so much. If I hadn't made Him first in my life, even before them, I could never have loved them at all. I missed out on so much of who they were back when I was more self-absorbed and yet lived closer geographically. I saw them frequently but never saw them with God's eyes. Now that I can truly love them I must do so from a distance. So be it, Lord. But You know my heart goes with them and I pray that they know it too. I'll just give them this writing so they can have a small glimpse of the blessing that they are to me. I can hardly explain it with words. May my tears speak the volumes I cannot utter.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bittersweetness. It was a joy and at the same time painful to visit my daughter last week. I had to keep touching her, now and then, to realize that she was just that near. I guess I am really a tribal person. I want my tribe near me. I miss the conversations that we would have when we saw one another more frequently. I could clearly see Diana growing into an increasingly admirable adult.
When I watch her with her children and hear her thoughts on parenting and marriage, I remember what I experienced at her age. What I find most admirable about my daughter is that she is always hungry to learn and is not afraid to change her perspectives when she learns new things or comes to wise conclusions about life and living. As a woman who always wants to know God’s best path for her life, she learns of service and balanced humility as well as ever growing strength to travel this path.
I never have to really tell her anything. I listen and merely ask questions. Should she ever ask what I think about one thing or another I always reach for God before I speak so that I do not cause any detour on the path that God wills for her. In her heart, I believe she knows that I have always done my best with her and will continue to offer my best whenever she and I come together.
I hope and look forward to the time when we may live closer to one another again. I do so miss our embraces. She is blessed with a wonderful family. Jonathan is a sincere man of God who possesses his own wisdom and path. Another wonderful hugger, that fellow, who realizes the energy in an embrace. Their children are set to be exceptional people with bright intelligence in their eyes and hearts that will find their ways with God’s rich blessings.
I miss them all and joy in the time that we shared.
I love you all.