For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble with decisions. Yes, I've made many bad decisions and a few that turned out to be good ones, but it's the act of deciding that has always been my trouble. There's just too many choices! Too many variable outcomes! How does a person not go crazy in this world?
I used to have what I called in my rebellious years, the "f%$@-it button". I know, classy. But you didn't know me back then. I was different, to say the least. But now I would call that "button" Reckless Abandonment. I would purposely not think about consequences because I believed everything would work out how it should. I always submitted to some bigger view of my destiny. Unfortunately for my youth, it was catastrophic to submit to the undercurrent of external circumstances. But F-it, right? At least I wasn't afraid to take a risk like all the reserved, success-driven people in my graduating class. Boriiing! I risked with substances that the human body was never meant to ingest. I risked with my heart not knowing if it would be left torn and shredded to pieces. I risked with the preciousness of my soul, dancing with many dark forces of a self-indulgent culture. I knew how to take me some risks! And I suffered many consequences... I still suffer some of them, even now.
That decision-making thing we humans do, it's complicated. One wrong move and it could be checkmate. Those of us that have survived gambling with our lives are deluded into thinking that we are blessed coming and going; maybe we're even covered by grace! I've gambled most of my life. The thing is, every choice is a gamble because we don't. know. the FUTURE. We can't know the outcome of anything for sure.
But Somebody does. Yes, He does. He asked me recently if I'm ready to give my decisions to Him. Lord Jesus, even the decisions I make at the grocery store that have me deciding which grocery cart I will use? You want that decision? Take them, Jesus. Because what if... what if the wheel is broken on one of the carts and it comes off and the baby falls out, breaks her arm, and her life is altered by that one. vital. choice! The choice I never knew was vital just by looking at it. It only takes an instant to alter a destiny. We've seen the movies about it and read the short stories. Granted, God's plan will always remain, but our story could change in the blink of an eye. A cascade of events could set us on a course that might have otherwise been vastly different. God knows that, and He sets us up for success! He asks us, are you ready to be healed? to be united with my Holy Spirit? to be led by my indwelling Life? Are you ready to admit that you're sick of pretending you have this life under control?
Every moment is a variable and they are all known by God. Each one, a precise calculation. Every hair on our head is numbered. Number 45,239 just fell to the ground and He saw it. One down, thousands to go! One day in our lives holds enough information to last God a thousand of our years to sort out all the details. And He has all the time in the universe (literally!) to work things out. By the way, if we love Him and are called into His plan, it's all for our best.
But, we can base our decisions on what we believe is best. I base my assessment of life on wisdom gained in all of my thirty-six years on planet Earth. Do I choose crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Well, let's think about this. My daughter won't eat anything with chunks in it and my son can't handle the texture of anything that stick to the roof of his mouth so he won't eat it either way. Do I want someone other than me to eat the peanut butter? Then I'll have to go with creamy. Which brand? Well, which one is healthier and cheaper? Ok, Adams sounds good. Seems right to me. Good? Right? It's peanut butter, dude. But these are decisions I have to make every day. Good versus evil. Taking others into account. The golden rule. Be a good steward. Makes sense to me. But... "In all your ways acknowledge Him..." (Proverbs 3:6)
Jesus, do You care about peanut butter, really? Do You want every tiny decision? Or are some of them mine to make? You're within me now. You see through my eyes and are thinking within my mind. Whatever I see You doing, that's what I want to do. Now that I know Your voice and sense Your presence, I can follow You. Jesus is shopping at Costco, in me and through me. I allow Him to live in the temple of my body, so He is there when I am there. I'm submitting my will down to the tiniest, seemingly most insignificant choice, and there is Jesus. Peanut butter. You really do care about these things, don't You? But You call me to see it in a much more eternal light. You don't just see a decision about peanut butter, You see my kids. You see their future. You love them more completely than I ever could. Oh yes, You choose the peanut butter. Choosy moms let Jesus choose their peanut butter.
I want to choose to stop being externally motivated and influenced. I have God's LIFE living in me and I want to stop consulting the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil for my decisions. I've settled for what I think is best for long enough! I'm choosing to surrendering to the Holy Spirit within me. That's one decision I have no doubts about. I don't know what's truly best in any other area. I no longer want to make decisions by gambling on an unknown future. I want to let God live in me and through me, guiding my choices by moving ahead of me. I never really knew what I was doing, anyway. I see that now. I want to recklessly abandon my choices to the One Who knows ALL, is EVERYWHERE, and will ALWAYS WIN.