He Lets me Know

Normally I like to know what's going on. When I enter an unfamiliar situation or one is thrust upon me, I prefer to gather quick information to make the right decision. But when I'm walking in the Spirit it's different. I need less information and there is less pressure to choose wisely. When it's just me I get overwhelmed by all the variables. My imagination starts creating apparent possibilities and once that train begins chugging, it's very hard to make it stop.

Without abiding in Christ, I pine and worry about the possible affect my actions will have on others. That might seem like a healthy and compassionate quality. It is, so thoughtful. But I know now that we never truly know what impact our actions have on others, even if we think it's good. We have an intention and an expectation but we really don't know where each person is or what associations they will relate to your "good" actions. We have no idea the significance of our choices and how one tiny variation in timing or content can alter the course of a whole life. There are some great movies that illustrate this phenomenon (Sliding Doors, Run Lola Run, Groundhog Day, etc).

A person can go absolutely catatonic trying to protect themselves or others from so many calculated possibilities. The self-consciousness of that level of worry is enough to paralyze anyone in front of the proverbial mirror. I'm sure a lot of mental illness starts with a heightened awareness of those kind of hard truths, or a desperate denial of them. Like, for example, we really don't have control over much. Most "sane" people can function because they ignore that fact. They believe we can participate in life of our own power, self-sustaining and need-fulfilling. But they breathe air, too. They didn't create that air or build the brain that lets us breathe it during sleep.

The practice of letting go of my misconceptions has taken me years to learn how to do. Gut-reaction, instinct, and long-engrained habits would have me thinking thoughts and making choices out of the limited resource of my finite existence. Releasing my death-grip on this illusion has led to more freedom for me. Now the possibilities are as endless as an infinite God! His perspective is inconceivably higher than mine. From His vantage point He can see everyone and everything in any given time. He already knows what my choices will do or not do to the world around me.

Sometimes I don't understand His guidance... and that understandable! But just knowing, humbly, that I am weak, ignorant, and powerless compared to Him allows me to be available. This humility was His gift to me as well, so I won't take credit. By His grace I didn't get very far without Him. Frustrated at every turn is more like it! If I ever doubt that, all He has to suggest is, "Remember when you made a similar choice without Me? Are you now ready to trust?" Oh yeah, duh, thanks Lord.

It gets easier every time I come to Him. He lets me know when I need to stop the direction I'm headed and consult His Spirit within me. It's subtle and unimposing, but it has the power of eighteen years of personal experience behind it. Eighteen years ago I admitted my need for Jesus. It came from a desperate terror of the future and of the impending death of my body. I pray everyone can have that kind of sobering revelation that leads them into His waiting arms. Now He tells me everything I need to know and nothing more. The rest of life is filled with wonders, joys, challenges, and supernatural sightings of His unavoidable influence on this world.

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